Born with a void
by Asuhole
Summary: Makoto finds the orphan alley boy, Sousuke, somewhat interesting.


Kindly settle the reading format as 1/2 for a better reading experience.

Enjoy.

* * *

><p>It is on a gray and muddy day that Makoto meets the alleyway boy.<p>

The rain is pouring down and the streets are crowded with water along the pavements, making it difficult to see ahead for the thick shield of raindrops and slight fog.

Makoto, fifteen years old, have just finished his lessons and is headed home, but finds it difficult given the current weather.

He lives in a somewhat busy city close to the coast with many alleyways and foreboding looking places, and today he stands in the rain with his schoolbag held up above his head to shield himself. There is a special route to his house, which he usually picks when the day is clear and sunny, because otherwise it looks dangerous or at least not entirely safe.

Today is unbearable though, and he takes the route anyway, feeling his heart pound against his ribcage as he runs through the rain.

Just around the corner, a car appears and drives through a big puddle, and in the next moment Makoto laments as he becomes drenched in sour water and dirt. He stagger some steps backwards and stands underneath the half-roof of a closed tattoo-shop, breathing out as he shakes on his head.

''You doing all right?'' he hears a gruff voice next to him, nearly jumping a meter in the air as he squawks and stumbles over his feet, landing on his bum in another puddle.

''Hey, watch out'' the boy says and looks incredulous but also worried, and he kneels down in front of Makoto and holds a hand out.

When Makoto looks up, the first thing he sees is cyan.

Two serious eyes and a stern well sculpted face. Dirt underneath the left eye, along with some other suspicious marks here and there. A valley is shaped between his eyebrows when he furrow them, as he looks concerned for Makoto, who stares wide-eyed back at him.

The boy has onyx hair and a strong build, and this is the first time in a long while Makoto has met someone around his age with a physique bigger than his own. The stranger is tall and could go for someone around the age of eighteen, but there is something about him that tells Makoto he is not a day over sixteen, at least.

Makoto is scared at first, because the boy is muscular and has this broody tinge to him, wearing only a black t-shirt, a pair of jeans and some shabby sneakers – even though the weather is cold and rainy.

The boy helps him up and they stand like that for a while, and the boy is a few centimeters taller than he is, enough for Makoto to need to look up in order to look him in the eyes.

''I'm sorry,'' Makoto says and laughs sheepishly, still a little hyperaware of everything the boy does. The boy arches a brow at him and chuckles, and his whole attitude and presence is just big and, as Makoto sheepishly would add, somewhat prepared.

''No, I scared you,'' the boy says and tilts his head, and the smile upon his lips from before disappears as he looks around and pulls a bit in the collar of his wet shirt, breathing out puffy clouds of heat.

Makoto watches his movements somehow hypnotized, not moving an inch as he just watches. The boy looks back at him and says something Makoto does not catch the drift of. ''I'm sorry, what?'' he says and shrinks a bit into himself when the boy looks at him skeptically.

''I said the weather is pretty crazy today,'' he repeats, making an airy sound when his body jolts and he shivers slightly.

''Why're you not wearing anything?'' Makoto asks, and the words are out of his mouth before he can stop himself. He amends his words with a: ''I mean a jacket and all that,'' holding his hands up.

The boy gets an unfathomable look in his eyes and tips his chin, gaining an arrogant attitude. ''It's none of your business,'' he responds surly, and he does not look away.

Makoto halts and clutches his bag tighter, shaking wildly on his head – confused by the change in his demeanor - ''No, I- Um, I didn't- I- I'm sorry,'' he stammers and smiles apologetically, although his body language shows the boy how he is ready to run for a retreat.

It is silent between them then, and the sound of rain pouring down is loud and present in the background.

''Are you scared of me?'' the boy suddenly asks and takes a step closer, and his bangs are beaded to his forehead, shading his eyes slightly. Makoto unintentionally takes a step back and looks up at him, eyebrows rising on his forehead. ''Uh-'' he says, breath caught in his throat.

''I have to go,'' he says instead, nearly stammers it out as he makes a quick turn and runs back to where he came from. He can hear his temples beating and the rain hitting his back while he hurries ahead, nearly stumbling into some of the other puddles on the way. He is not sure, but he thinks he hears a hasty, loud ''**Wait—'**' behind him, but he does first look back when he is out of breath, still standing in the cold rain as he rasps after air.

His heart is beating fast and for some reason, he can still picture those cyan eyes inside his head.

* * *

><p>Those cyan eyes stay embedded somewhere in the back of his head the following week. It was a small encounter and nothing more than that, and he regrets having fled, because it was rude – but he had felt scared and slightly threatened, and the boy had been bipolar – at first friendly but then stern-faced.<p>

Now, he stands in front of the opening to that route again. He has avoided it for a week by all means, but he feels curious and still a bit ashamed for having left so abruptly. He thinks that there is not a big possibility of him stumbling into the boy again, so he steps ahead courageously, although the grasp on his schoolbag is tight.

He walks around the corner and there is no one in sight. He feels relieved but at the same time disappointed for different reasons.

However, just as he is about to go further ahead, someone grabs his wrist from behind and tugs in it lightly, and he hears that familiar voice – this time more present since the weather is good and there is no noisy rain in the way.

Makoto yelps and in reflex closes his eyes and launches a fist the way the arm came from – fist colliding with something hard. It is only moments later he realizes he has punched the boy from before, who has now fallen onto the pavement and is latching one hand up and in front of his right eye, and the other arm props his torso up.

Makoto's voice reaches an octave higher when he crouches down and panics, rambling with a lots of ''oh god, I'm so sorry – I didn't know- you scared me,'' while the boy groans.

''S'fine,'' the raven-haired mutters, and he smiles lopsidedly at Makoto, who is surprised by the warm feeling settling in his gut by the gesture he is sent. ''Guess I deserved it,'' the boy continues and raises himself, and Makoto hovers around him with hands up as if to catch him in case he would fall, looking worried.

''You got a proper punch,'' the boy says when he has raised himself, and he removes his hand from his eye. The skin there is slightly red and a bit swollen now, and it might become worse with time.

''I scared you before, didn't I?'' the boy says, and Makoto is surprised by the genuine concern shown on his face.

''It's okay- uh, sorry-''

''Stop apologizing,'' the boy murmurs, furrowing his brows.

''Sorry.''

The boy sighs.

''What's your name?'' he asks instead, and Makoto makes a light noise, confused.

''It's Makoto…, '' not knowing why the boy would be interested.

''I'm Sousuke,'' the boy says and Makoto repeats it, varying the name in his mouth.

''Sousuke… that's a nice name,'' he says warmly and smiles, but he does not notice the way Sousuke halts and his adams apple bobs up and down.

''I'm sorry about before,'' Sousuke says genuinely. ''About- you know, the jacket thing. I'm just poor – that's it. Forgot my jacket once at school – never found it again, and now there's not enough money to buy a new one yet,'' he explains, and Makoto is settled in wonder. Why would Sousuke tell him this?

It almost seems like Sousuke has been awaiting his arrival just to apologize or reason himself.

In addition, Makoto finds it somewhat cute.

''It's okay,'' he says, and he means it. He had been a little too quick to retreat.

''You know the orphanage that just recently have been built in the town? Close to the coast?'' Sousuke suddenly says.

''Samekuza…?'' Makoto tries, faintly remembering hearing about it in the school.

''Yeah, that one. I live there – recently transferred there,'' he says, and now Makoto understands.

He tries not to let the realization show in his body language, but his voice is breathless as he contributes with a light ''Oh.''

''Yeah,'' Sousuke says, and the smile from before disappears again as it had before, looking uncomfortable for a second.

''What's your age?'' Makoto asks then.

''I'm fifteen, soon turning sixteen.''

'**'Fifteen?''**

''I train a lot when possible,'' Sousuke says, looking a little humble.

''Well I swim, but…,''

''You swim?''

Moments ago, they had been strangers – and Makoto had held a strange fright for this alley boy. However, ever so slowly, they talk – and then some more, and they end up sitting on the sidewalk, talking about comics and things alike.

Sousuke is independent, Makoto finds out. Perhaps more than a fifteen-year-old teenager should be, and far more hardworking in terms of working out, but says that he sometimes earn money by doing kickboxing some cities away from this one. Makoto shrieks and says that he should not be doing such things, given his age, but Sousuke only gives off that half-smile half-smirk, shrugging. ''It's easy money – and I was sought out anyway,'' he says, but Makoto does not miss the dark purple mark on the underside of his bicep, nor the way Sousuke seems fairly accommodated to receive a punch out of nowhere.

''I've always been trouble,'' Sousuke shrugs it off again, and Makoto purses his lips and says that he cannot do such things.

''It's only once in a while,'' he tries to thin it out, and they talk like they have known each other for ages.

When Makoto walks home that day, there is more than those cyan eyes in the back of his mind. Sousuke's face, his way of staying upright, the unfaltering look in his eyes. There is much more to him than what the eye can see.

However, when Makoto takes that turn around the corner the next couple of weeks, Sousuke is never there. He considers going to the orphanage to check if he is there, but then thinks whether he has the right to or not.

* * *

><p>A month later, the teacher stands in front of the class and smiles prettily, quoting something about friendship and acceptance, followed by the words: ''You'll be getting a new student in class today, remember?''<p>

Makoto does not think much of it, but the air in his lungs promptly leave when a familiar raven-haired person steps in, now huddled up in a school uniform. He knows how Sousuke looks like and is somewhat used to his strong physique, but that does not mean the other people in the class are. Sousuke is given weird looks and some of the girls look giddy, but a few of the boys narrow their eyes and look competitively at him.

What Makoto does not expect is for Rin, one of his classmates, to bounce up from his chair and call out with a joyed: ''Sousuke?'', and Sousuke looks surprised too, but then his stern face breaks into a light smile – and Makoto does not know why something churns in his stomach for a second there.

Sousuke does first notice Makoto later on when he raises his hand in class and contributes with a question, and he can feel Sousuke's eyes bore into his back from where he sits a few rows behind the brunette.

Seeing Sousuke in the public eye is a somehow different view. He carries on with the foreboding but alluring attitude, but can be approachable nevertheless. Some of the students give him weird looks when he stops by Makoto's table and braces his hands on the table, leaning over as he gives Makoto a lopsided, barely visible smile. ''Makoto,'' is all he says, and Makoto does not know why his legs tremble underneath the table, does not know why he feels somehow thrilled that Sousuke can still remember him.

On the other hand, Sousuke had not been lying when he said he was a troublemaker.

It only takes a week before Sousuke is suspended from the school for giving a cocky guy a nosebleed. Sousuke himself does not seem to challenge other people outwardly, but he carries the attitude that makes him look arrogant or in general prepared, and he is seemingly the apex predator when he walks in the hall and people step aside to let him come through. It is as if his presence itself soughs out trouble on its own, but he is not aggressive as he trots around – people just mistake him for having other ideas in mind.

He is always at front in the P.E classes, and studies well in school – but Makoto does not miss the dark marks sporting his skin sometimes when he arrives late in class, hair rumpled and his breathing ragged. Sometimes, he does not even come to school, and he easily ends in fights with some of the older guys who want to put him in place.

There are times as well where his eyes gain that hooded look Makoto had seen from the first time they met – times were Sousuke does not look at anyone and sits down at his table, quiet and distant for the rest of the day.

They do spend time together, but not as much as Makoto would like them to do. Sousuke and Rin are more of a match in the longer term, judging by the way they are playful together and do the schoolwork with each other. Makoto does not know why – cannot understand why there are times where he feels dread gather in his throat when he watches how Sousuke and Rin share looks when the teacher mentions anything about group work. The way they will walk side by side in the halls, being playful with one another.

Rin is a good friend of Makoto too, but it seems like everything has grown so distant for the brunette ever since Sousuke came to.

There is a period where Sousuke seems to ignore Makoto – or that is what it feels like to the other, at least. When he tries to get in contact with him, he looks the other way. He does not want to look at him anymore, and it hurts Makoto – because he does not understand what he has done wrong. He does not even know why it means so much to him that Sousuke looks his way, that he is doing fine – that Sousuke and him meet to walk the same way home from school.

However, one day where Rin and Makoto sit together in the cafeteria and eat, Makoto hesitantly asks Rin if there is a chance that Sousuke might dislike him. At this, Rin looks at him skeptically, bidding in with a ''Where has your head gone to? It's the total opposite'', leaving the brunette feeling even more confused than before.

* * *

><p>A year and a half flies by, and before he knows of it, he is in his second year of high school and has turned seventeen years old. Sousuke and the others are still there, and things have had their turns – both for the good and for worse.<p>

Summer vacation had been peculiar, but they had arranged a get-together tour with the whole class, and Makoto had ended up with the alley boy in one of the tents. He did not know how it happened, but they had ended up kissing – huddled together in each other's embraces. Subsequently, they had not seen each other for the rest of the vacation, and when they came back, Sousuke was even more distant than before.

Now, Sousuke changes between being present to distant and Makoto's mind are often in a flurry of confusion.

The biggest change is the way Makoto perceives Sousuke now. The peculiarity he feels when he awakes in the middle of some nights, feeling sweaty with his breath ragging and Sousuke's name on his lips, and he realizes he is absolutely done for.

The alleyway boy has stayed in his mind since the moment they met, but things between them are halting or never moves forward. Sometimes, it feels like they are still strangers – as if they just met on the street and have to introduce themselves once more, as they had one of the first times they met.

* * *

><p>One day, Makoto decides that enough is enough.<p>

''Sousuke?'' he stops by his table, seeing how Sousuke's eyes widen as he leans back, arching a brow. ''Yeah?''

''Would you sleep over at my place tonight?'' he asks, and he fights against the blush spreading on his cheeks. Nonetheless, he is serious when he asks, and he stares unfalteringly back at the other.

Sousuke looks as if in loss of words, but at last he just nods, contributing with a breathless ''yeah.''

His parents and siblings are not home when the doorbell rings. Makoto stumbles to the door and clears his throat before opening it. Behind the door, Sousuke stands, rubbing the heel of his old-time sneakers against the front step, looking strangely nervous.

Makoto had taken a shower around that time and is now only wearing a towel around his pelvis, bound together just barely with a hand knotting the ends together at the front. ''Sousuke?'' he says, and he smiles warmly. It has been a while since they have been alone together, and it is as if Sousuke becomes another person when it is just the two of them.

Sousuke steps in when offered, and he looks intently at the floor than at Makoto, and the brunette almost thinks he catches a light color of red drawn along the other's cheeks.

Makoto changes his clothes, and when he walks into the living room again, he finds Sousuke standing from afar with his back turned to the other, looking down at something. Makoto walks up behind him and sees that he is holding the recent Tachibana family picture – a picture of Ren, Ran, Makoto and their parents.

Something pulls tight in Makoto's chest, but he clears his throat nonetheless and Sousuke's body jolts.

Sousuke's gaze flickers from the family picture to Makoto, and he then settles the picture down on the table again, avoiding the other's gaze.

Makoto does not say anything about it.

They end up on the couch by the end of the evening, Makoto on top of Sousuke. He leans down and presses their lips together, and Sousuke allows him to do it.

Sousuke's hands are flighty and everywhere, but carries an empty warmth that Makoto knows is the first sign to show that he should back off. He does not, though, and he lets Sousuke grasp his buttocks as he presses him down on his groin, making him grind there.

It is an empty pleasure, because Sousuke is not there. His eyes are unfathomable when their eyes lock together and he cups Makoto's erection through his sweatpants. His teeth are sharp when they pierce through his skin at the juncture of his throat, nibbling there but with a pain that makes it worthwhile to the brunette.

Makoto willingly bares his throat and moans aloud as Sousuke tugs down in their pants and takes a hold of both of their arousals. They rock together in a steady rhythm, and there is so much Makoto wants that he knows he cannot get, not right now. Sousuke does not say anything when he feels wet droplets fall onto his cheeks and slide down his throat as Makoto is hovering above him, moving along with his strokes.

''I'm sorry,'' Sousuke says as he cups Makoto's cheek, holding it there. ''I'm sorry I'm not good enough,'' he says, and Makoto knows that he is dealing with a person that cannot find peace in himself. Who does not know how to return love, because he was born without it.

Makoto wakes up the next morning alone on the couch, alone in the house.

He wakes up alone, with a tight feeling swirling in his chest and a hunger that can never be satisfied.

When he looks up at the ceiling, he holds his hand up in front of himself, grasping at the air.

He feels like he is grasping for something unreachable – as if the closer he gets, the further away he in reality is. It is like admiring the stars on the sky on a starry night – and the stars are millions of light years away, untouchable, but still beautiful – and dead a long time ago.


End file.
